Monday, September 22, 2014

For What It's Worth, It Was Worth All The While

                                               "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.





Sunday, September 21, 2014

Freyja Spring


In the Spring of 2008, in an attempt to coerce our children into behaving during mass without having to spend money, we offered to stop at a PetSmart holding a pet adoption day.  The Virginia German Shepherd Rescue was representing with several dogs.  Like the suckers we are, Mike and I fell in love with one particular girl named Betsy.  She looked just like our Alyx.  Black and tan and tiny for a GSD.

The only problem was that she had already been snatched up.

After we had expressed interest in Betsy, we found ourselves on the rescue group's radar. They sent us a photo of a beautiful 16 week old pup named Misty.  Misty had been relinquished by her owners in West Virginia.  They were backyard breeders and couldn't sell her because she was too aggressive.  The rescue group said they saw no aggression, but she was neglected and half starved.

We agreed to meet her, piled the three kids into the van one rainy afternoon and painfully drove one mile in an hour and a half before turning around, defeated.  Ah, yes, but DC traffic was not going to foil any plans the rescue group had of giving us one of their dogs.  If we could not come to Misty, Misty would come to us.

The next day, she was delivered to our backyard with a new name, "Freyja" as in the Norse goddess, and an $800 adoption fee because goddesses don't come cheap, apparently.  

They also don't come easy. 

Within a few weeks, I knew we had a problem.  Freyja would growl, hair sticking up, teeth bared any time any of us came near her while there was food in her bowl.  She lunged at our neighbors when they were in their backyard and she'd nip at the kids' heels as they played.  She was out of our control, unwilling to calm down enough to even take direction.

I did some research and we stopped putting food in her bowl.  Instead, come meal time, we would all take a handful and she would be forced to eat directly out of our hands.  It didn't take long for her to associate food with our presence.  She stopped her food aggression and I found hope.

We hired a hippy-dippy, feel-good behaviorist who came to our house and mapped out, literally on poster board, a course of action based on positive reinforcement and the administering of Bach flower essences.   The former had no effect whatsoever. The latter made her vomit blood.

It was after she took off with the double jogging stroller with all three kids inside to chase after a squirrel, and then lunged at a baby strolling by on the sidewalk, that I decided something drastic needed to happen.  I sat down late one night and searched the internet for something, anything I could do.  Mike was gone in Afghanistan.  I was alone with 3 kids, little in the way of a support network, and a dog who was completely out of control.

That's when I stumbled upon Daniel Rice at Braveheart Kennels.

During our initial interview, Dan asked me to tell him the problems we'd been having with Freyja.  I rambled on for several minutes, listing just a sampling of her transgressions.  He then asked me to tell him the things I liked about Freyja.

"She's a beautiful dog," I said.

"That's it?" he asked.

And I burst into tears.  

He had his work cut out for him, but Daniel Rice knows dogs like few other people I've met.  He's tough.  He works his dogs like the alpha of the pack.  There's positive reinforcement, but there are painful negative consequences as well.  Coming from me, who wouldn't even use a prong collar to control Freyja, to Dan who uses electric shock collars was, well, a shock.  To all of us.  

When I returned 6 weeks later to receive my own training from Dan, he told me, "Freyja's a great dog, but she needs strong leadership.  If you can't lead her, I don't believe she'd be safe in your home and I won't let her leave this facility.  Are you willing to do what I tell you?"

I nodded.

Freyja was sitting beside me, a rope around her neck, looking calm and obedient. 

"I want you to take this lead and give it a yank.  I want to hear her yelp," he instructed me.

"But she didn't do anything wrong," I whined.

"I don't care," he said.  "She needs to know you're in charge.  I need to know you're in charge."

"But it'll hurt her," I argued.

"You ever spank your kids?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered, hesitantly.

"Ever make 'em cry?" he continued.

"Uh, yeah.."

"So what kind of a mother would spank her kids and make 'em cry, but not want to make her dog cry?"  

It was the zinger that he knew would motivate me to do what needed to be done.  And with that, I snapped the rope.  Freyja let out a yelp, came to attention, and sat by my side, waiting for a command.  We were a new team, she and I.  We worked together with Daniel showing me how to lead and reminding Freyja how to follow.  

Over the years, we continued our teamwork, she and I.  Oh, sure, there were times when she frustrated the hell out of me.  Like the time she pulled a 5 lb roast out of the crockpot while it was still cooking.  Or the Christmas she ate 3 and a half dozen chocolate chip cookies.  But she more than made up for it by providing our family safety and security with her mere presence and German Shepherd Dog nature. 

From the time we adopted Freyja, till her death, Mike deployed to Afghanistan four times.  In addition, there've been literally dozens of other trips he's made for weeks, sometimes months, at a time.  I never once during that time had a sleepless night, frightened that someone might break in.  I was pregnant, had three young children and Mike's elderly parents while Mike was in Kabul and we all slept safely and soundly knowing that Freyja was on the job.  

Once, I had a flat tire on my jogging stroller and I couldn't get the pump to work.  I took it up to the local gas station just blocks from our house to throw myself at the mercy of the mechanics that worked there.  

"Can somebody help me fix my jogging stroller?  It has a flat tire and my husband is in Afghanistan and won't be back for months.  I live right up the street, there, and it's just me and my kids and none of us know how to fix this.  We're all alone till my husband comes back, but that's not for 4 months and I don't know what to do..." 

I trailed off, suddenly realizing that I had just announced to group of men I didn't know that not only was my husband gone and the kids and I alone, but that I lived just a hop away.  As I mentally berated myself for my stupidity, I realized they were paying no attention to me.  They were all staring at something.  I followed their gaze and saw that Freyja had jumped into the driver's side and was hanging 3/4 of her torso out of the open window.  She looked fierce.  Nobody was going to come near me, my kids, my house, or, sadly, my jogging stroller while Freyja was on the job. 

Our neighbors hated her.  She took her job of securing the perimeter very seriously.  If even I was on the other side of the fence, she barked.  Freyja particularly didn't like one neighbor, Billy.  The feeling was mutual.

"I'm going to put a bullet in that fucking dog's head the next time she's out here alone," he threatened one beautiful, sunny afternoon.

"Your aim isn't that good.  You couldn't get close enough," I chuckled.  "She's trained to keep people like you at bay."

Every time the kids were scared of monsters in their closet or ghosts under their bed, we would bring Freyja in to sleep with them.  When we moved to Illinois, she would accompany them on adventures into the wood line.  Again, her mere presence was enough to ward off the coyotes who lived there.  I doubt she'd ever fight a coyote and if Billy had ever so much as raised a hand to her, she would have cowered.  But she struck a threatening pose and sounded ferocious.  

She kept us safe from threats real or imagined with her facade of savage aggression.  

In reality, however, Mike called her a French Shepherd.  They're like the German kind, but they're pussies.  Freyja was afraid of wind, of gunfire and firecrackers, of small children, cars and trucks driving by, Billy, and the vacuum.  She would whine and cry to come back inside when let out into the yard, and, when on her adventures with the kids in the wood line, would inevitably run back home, barking at me to let her back in.  She fancied herself an indoor dog, for sure. 

When we brought Skadi home at 6 weeks old, I fully expected there to be problems.  Freyja was an attention hound and I figured she'd be none too thrilled to have to compete with a cute puppy.  Oh, how very wrong I was.  

Freyja immediately transformed into a mother role.  She played with Skadi, let her drink from the water bowl first, slept with her, and kept her clean.  I have never seen another dog of mine mother a new puppy like Freyja did.  She stepped up in ways I never imagined she was capable.  They were impossibly close, relying on one another for comfort and support and entertainment.  

So it was that when Freyja was diagnosed, Dan recommended we manage Freyja's pain until we safely got Skadi to Seoul.  He was afraid that Skadi would be sent along on this two day, multi plane adventure depressed and grief stricken.  So Freyja stayed strong for the duration, happy to go for walks and to sleep with her pup in the kennel.  When Skadi arrived here, Dan said that he'd keep Freyja as long as her pain was still manageable.  

It wasn't even a week later that Daniel called me and said, "It's time."

On a beautiful autumn day, our sweet girl, our guardian, protector, and teammate, our Freyja passed from this world to the next leaving our pack heartbroken and mourning.  There's always that inevitable discussion of whether dogs have souls and whether their souls go to heaven.  For anyone who has ever loved a dog, there's no question.  I know I will see my girls again.  All of them.  Patty, Sheba, Vikki, Candy, Alyx, Freyja.  Even Truman, the bastard.  Because, to paraphrase Will Rogers, if they don't go to heaven, then I want to go where they are.  To run my hand through their coats and nuzzle their ears and rest easy with them.  For with a dog, one finds heaven.

My Dearest Freyja,

I am so sorry that I could not hold up my end of our bargain when you worked so hard to live up to your end.  You trained and obeyed and followed us against your nature to become a part of our family.  I was to be there for you when the end came and I wasn't.  Nothing could have changed the way it played out.  I know you were with Daniel and that he loved you like his own.  I know you felt safe and loved with the sun shining on you and a breeze ruffling your furry, diseased, and all too young body.  I hope you saw us in your dreams, knowing that our love was with you, filling your heart.  

Thank you for being you, for keeping us safe, for keeping us on our toes, for making us laugh, and for loving our kids.  Run free, baby.  Mama loves you, Freyja Spring, you naughty thing.  I'll see you on the other side.  Don't eat all the cookies before I get there.

Aloha, 
Mama

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A Rookie Mistake Veteran

It was a beautiful day, with that bright blue sky for which Korea is famous. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The air was fresh and the children were not. 


With that gorgeous sky above us, the kids and I set off for supper at our second favorite Korean restaurant, Don Valley. It's an underground restaurant with very little ambiance, but they have high chairs with which to imprison the monkey boy. The quality of the food doesn't matter a bit if you are too busy chasing a crazed 3 year old around a restaurant to actually eat it. 

As we waited to cross the street near the restaurant, I noticed this scene. 


The woman sits on this corner a lot. Pretty much every time I pass. She looks clean, but I'm fairly certain she's homeless and I'm positive she suffers from mental illness. Half the time, she is joined on this corner by an equally ill, but also well washed foreigner. 

But this was different. The man sitting with her in the birthday hat was very typically homeless. Dirty, foul smelling, missing teeth and dignity. 

But she had a little spread of food and was feeding him bite after bite with her hands.   She would pop in a bite, then carefully, gently, maternally wipe his mouth. She poured him a cup of makkoli, a milky, sweet rice wine, then handed him the bottle to have him pour her a drink. In Korea, you don't pour your own drink. It's rude. I loved that he took the bottle and proudly poured her drink, with the birthday hat on his head and a toothless grin on his face. 

The scene was just so tender and sweet, I felt privileged to have witnessed it. I discreetly snapped a photo as we walked by. 

Down to our kabli and rice we went. We gorged on our Korean favorites as we shared stories of our day, giggles and belly laughs galore. I paid the bills and we marched up to street level with promises of melon ice cream bars luring the children out merrily. 

When we reached the top of the stairs, we saw that the blue skies had retreated and the monsoons had struck. The world was dark, cold, and wet. Very, very wet. 

We aren't taking about a little rain here. We are talking about those big fat drops that soak you through in seconds. And a lot of them. The streets were already ankle deep. 

And I had made the rookie mistake of not bringing umbrellas. No rain jackets, either.  We were trapped with no way home but through the wet. 

As I stood contemplating this new dilemma, the man with the birthday hat approached. He got into the face of an older lady who shooed him away. That's when he noticed us. 

Gone was his birthday hat and his happy demeanor. He was intoxicated and angry and I was standing alone at the top of a very long flight of stairs with four children. Easy pickings for a pissed drunk with an unpredictable mental illness. 

I kept the kids busy talking of the rain while avoiding eye contact with the man. He got right into Roman's face, but Roman knew well enough to look away and not engage him. This isn't his first ride at the crazy rodeo, after all. 

The man then leaned into me to force our eyes to meet.  I, instead, looked up at the great gray above as it unleashed its weight of water and threw my hands skyward as a sign of love and adoration. 

That was enough for him. He must have thought I was crazier than he. He stepped back, then forward again like he was going to touch Iryna's hair. Before he got a hand close, I cackled loudly. He looked at me again, then horked a big loogie and stomped off. 

And that's when I remembered the emergency ponchos I had in my purse. Just three. But better than nothing. We threw them on and started off toward home. 


By the time we got to the hotel, we learned that those emergency ponchos aren't really better than nothing. They're just about the same as nothing. We were drenched so badly, we had to wring out our clothes. 

Even a monsoon veteran can make a rookie mistake. Next time, we all take umbrellas. And birthday hats. And maybe some makkoli. 











Monday, August 25, 2014

A Bird's Eye Firing

On Saturday night, we were treated to a Korean wedding on the grounds of the hotel in which we are staying.  We had the best seat in the house from nine stories above the action.

The lavish hanbok on the matrons of each family riveted the kids and the adorable little flower girl had Iryna crying that she hasn't had a chance at the role.  The groom was dashing and entertaining; the bride breathtakingly elegant. 



The flowers were beautiful pale shades of ivory and pink, accented with
candelabras and bows. Three 
musicians topped off the romantic atmosphere with their artistry. 

It was splendid. 

Until the wedding coordinator entered the picture. And by that I mean quite literally entered the picture. 

Every. Single. One. 


That's her in the gray suit. She's arranging the bride and groom before they're even allowed to join hands and walk together toward the minister. 


That's her messing with the minister. 


She was up there in the middle of their vows. 


When the bride went to bow to her new inlaws, I thought the old wedding planner might grab the groom for herself. 

But she had better things to do.  Like this.  Watch.



Honestly, one of the most sacred and solemn parts of a Korean wedding is the uniting of two families showcased with honor and respect shown with this ancient Asian custom.  But there's batshit crazy lady getting paid to mess it all up.  


Now, she did stand respectfully behind the parents of the bride while the bridal couple bowed, but she came up from behind right after to fluff the mother's hanbok and adjust the bride's bra. Yes. Her bra. She did this before the couple's exit as well. 


As soon as they were at the arch, she ran down the aisle to shake off any and all rose petals from the bride's dress and trains. 

I almost yelled down, "Leave her the fuck alone, ya old bat!! She's beautiful and you're a prune!"  I didn't, though. Because I have a filter. See that?  A filter. 

She should have been fired on the spot. Totally ruined the whole thing. At least from the ninth floor perspective. 

I sure hope she didn't direct traffic on their honeymoon. Can you even imagine? Eeeeew......









Sunday, August 24, 2014

Aimless Monsoon Wandering



This monsoons hit this past week. The same week that Mike had to work a double night shift. He was gone 7:30pm till 10:30am. That left the kids and I out in the rain. Literally. 


Mike had to sleep. We live in a hotel room. We have four loud children. So every day I gathered the youngin's up and headed out, looking for something to do. 


Hiking Namsan was out. No way was I going to try pulling the wagon up that mountain in this crap.  I don't even like hiking in beautiful weather, completely unencumbered.  Like hell I'm gonna be some amphibious donkey. 


I tried convincing the kids to play outside on the playground, but they kept seeing lightening. I don't believe them. I think they were faking in order to sit in the lobby clashing their clans and mining their crafts. 


If you don't know what I'm talking about, rejoice!!  It's like knowing nothing about smoking crank or ignorance of that 3 Girls, 1 Cup video. You just simply do not even want to know. I promise you. 

So we ate at the Korean lunch buffet. 


Since it was a buffet, it killed a lot of time. Let's just say we got our money's worth. 


And we may or may not be welcomed back. I won't be surprised either way. But the food was outstanding so I tipped well hoping we can go back. We might have to wear disguises. And leave this guy at home. 


Nothing.  But. Trouble. 

Everywhere. Even at the Burger King playground. 


Which we hung at a lot because it was indoors and somewhat contained. That's what you look for when you've got a sleeping husband, one hotel room, monsoons, and a whirling dervish who screams like a band of banshees. Oh, and he steals shoes, too. And throws them. At people. 

So yeah, we may not be welcomed back to Burger King anytime soon, either. Too bad they don't accept tips. 


Iryna really enjoyed breaking the rules, too. No climbing on the outside of the play structure. She doesn't mind rules. They're written for the peasants, anyway. 

There's plenty of other Burger Kings in Korea. This one kind of bites if you base your fast food experience on the diaper changers like I do. 


Who the hell mounts a diaper changer so damn high that the kid is level with mom's boobs?  And I am fairly tall by Korean standards, plus I've got some good height with my sandals. My 4'11" mother would not have been able to even get him on this changer. 

No BK bueno. 

The kids hit the Jamba Juice quite a bit. 


Mama hit her own kind of juice just as much. 


Don't judge. It was a long week. Very long. 

We went to the kids' school orientations. The elementary school is huge. There are more kids in the second grade alone than in their entire school last year. 


There's something like 2000 students. It's crazy. 

Reilly Kate's school is a little more manageable. She seemed to find some friends instantly. 


I'll admit to shedding a few tears, though. I feel like I'm sending my baby out to the wolves. 

Or maybe I'm just reliving my own middle school horror. Shiver. 

We bought some new school shoes. Please note the shoe theif at work. 


I'm almost positive we aren't welcome back to the PX. Shortly after this picture was taken, I put Kelly in the wagon and turned down the shampoo aisle. He stuck his arm out and, in one fell swoop, knocked an entire shelf's worth of shampoo tumbling to the ground. 

I'm really glad shampoo comes in plastic bottles. Let's just say, we are rethinking Kelly's metal sippy cup. Nuff said. For legal reasons. I cannot get into here. 


But look what an angel he is while he's sleeping. Unfortunately, this happened only once this past week. I'd had enough and just camped out for two hours in the lobby. 

The highlight, though, was bowling. Cosmic bowling.


We donned our best neon gear and...



...we glowed as we rolled, baby!!!


Roman kicked some serious ass. 


So did RK. Who knew she had such a wicked hook?

I hope we will be welcomed back despite this guy throwing the balls instead of rolling  them. Loft much?  Why yes!!


He did get the hang of rolling toward the end of the second game. Rolling himself down the lane, that is. Apparently, that's strictly forbidden for safety reasons. The Kellster doesn't give a shit. 


But they gave me a frequent bowler card. Three more games and I get one for free. I think they want us back. Maybe. Or maybe just without the dervish. 

So when Friday came and the week was over, I was done. I had developed a nervous twitch, a mean ass bark, a much worse bite, and the look of a crazed bitch. 

I covered it all with a thick slab of make up, some Spanx, and a pair of killer heals, then forced my sleep deprived husband to take me out into town. 


Suffice it to say, I didn't look this good when I came back. But I felt a whole lot better. 

























Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Time of Her Life

Dan sends me periodic updates on Freyja, complete with photos and videos.

Every evening they take a walk together.  And share a snack.



He's giving her a good life to enjoy in her last few weeks.  Along with her baby, Skadi.  Because you can't have the time of your life without good company.




Ahhh... And, really, would life be worth living without ice cream.  If you said yes, it would, we can no longer be friends.



Because ICE CREAM!!



Happiness through grief.  That's what's on our plates over here.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Unusual Sights

Today, over lunch at the Navy Club, we were talking to the kids about experiencing a different culture by living it. We said that there may be things that look familiar but upon further inspection are just not quite right. It's what makes living abroad fun and interesting. 

As we were talking, Mike became distracted. 


I followed his gaze and came upon a perfect example to showcase what we were trying to teach the kids. 


Now, you might not think much of a clown sitting on a beam. But this is a nautical themed restaurant. A clown kinda, well, it's not quite right. 

A few minutes later, Kelly started pointing and saying "cow."


Sure enough. A cow. Of sorts. 


And a couple of Christmas wreaths.  Because why not?  It doesn't really detract from the fishing nets and mermaids. In fact, it's fun. 

Sometimes, however, those little not quite right-isms are neither little nor fun. They smack in the face of what we try to teach out kids. 

Like this policy instituted at a different restaurant, owned by the brother of an old friend of ours. 


Ebola and southern BBQ joints. Hmmmm... I see. I wonder how they plan to identify the Africans. I wonder if I should explain how the virus is spread. 

Meh. The expat community is already planning a boycott. Should last till Friday, happy hour. If that long. 

And then there's this rare sight, too. Civilian employees sporting BDU's to play war. 


Mike laments the irony that he wore jeans and tshirts while working in a real war, but gets brand new, government issued uniforms in which to practice. 

He looks pretty good in his uniform, if I do say so myself. Mmmm... rare sight, indeed.